The Cullen Family Rule Book
by twilightslittleangel
Summary: All of the children in the Cullen family have been breaking some rules that didn't exist, so Esme and Carlisle decide to write make then some rules that they all have to follow, each list customized for each person.
1. Emmett's Rules

hi people. in case you are wondering, i didnt steal someones entire list but i got ideas from other people. also, LEAVE REVIEWS! the more reviews, the more i will put up.

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Things Emmett Cullen are not allowed to do

1 Egg Tanya's house

2 Egg Volterra

3 Egg anyone's house

4 go to the hospital during Carlisle's shift

5 Try to eat any human food like baked goods and fast food

6 Kidnap Bella and force Edward to embarrass himself in order to get Bella back

7 Go to Wal-Mart with Alice

8 Wear a meat dress like lady gaga and run around singing so happy I could die

9 To touch esme's flower beds or he dies

10 Pour mud on Alice's favorite clothes

11 Pour mud on esme's rug, couch, carpet or stairs

12 Tell jasper that Alice went to go join the Volturi when she is actually hunting

13 Replace all of Rosalie's mirrors with fun house mirrors

14 Tell Rosalie that she is ugly and should let him dye her hair

15 Possess hair dye, spray paint or matches

16 Meditate in the middle of the road

17 Insist that Edward should get Renesmee a car and let him give it a paint job

18 Try to teach the werewolves dog tricks

19 Dress up like Katy Perry and go to school singing California gurls

20 To post any family videos on you tube

21 Dress up as Aro and say that he is a creepy old guy that preys on pretty girls at his school

22 to make any famous brand of clothes say that breathing is uncool and laugh as half of his class panics

23 To steal Alice's clothes and hold them over her head and tell her to jump

24 Strand Alice at a mall without a credit card

25 Toilet paper tepee Volterra

26 Toilet paper tepee Charlie's

27 Toilet paper tepee anyone's house

28 Tell everyone that he is actually an alien from another planet

29 Speak in a foreign language that he had made up

30 Call Texans a bunch of hicks in front of jasper

31 Wrestle with a werewolf

32 Tell Carlisle that he morphed into a seal

33 Go to school wearing a bear suit and tell every one that eating bear makes you strong like him

34 Show off at school and end up getting a steroid test

35 Perform any surgical practices

36 Tell everyone that jasper was in the confederate army

37 Claim to be a Yankee in front of jasper

38 Go to the circus

39 Tell Bella that Edward is secretly dating Tanya

40 Give Edward a haircut

41 Take a lunch to school and make it include a sippy cup full of blood

42 Microwave plastic

43 Consume dynamite

44 Tell Jacob that Renesmee doesn't love him

45 Steal all of esme's air fresheners

46 Buy Alice a cat and eat it

47 Bedazzle Edwards and Bella's clothes and make it look like Alice did it

48 Give Edwards car (s) a make over

49 Tell Charlie that Edward has a large stash of guns in his trunk

50 Give himself an afro

51 Wrestle a newborn

52 Create a vampire

53 Go to Victoria's secret and help Alice shop and say "oh, Carlisle will look so good in these" just to make people stare at him

54 Meet Ke$ha and ask what her favorite drug is

55 Get a pet bear and feed it sugar, then give it to Alice

56 Tell Alice that Edward wants to model for her

57 Tell Edward that Bella died in a car accident

58 Hire a couple little kids and say that they are renesmee's children to Rosalie

59 Go to a strip club for his bachelor party

60 Ask Rosalie if she thinks he needs a breast reduction


	2. Rosalie's Rules

Hello there good people. i would just like to remind you to review, and you random citizens who dont have a fanfiction account can review too! yay! these are rosalies rules and i would like to make it clear that emmett and rosalie are not my number one favorite twilight characters. my number one favorite is Alice or Edward or Esme or Renesmee or Carlisle or Jasper. Bella is too whiney. with lots of friendly hugs twilightslittleangel

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1 Not allowed to manipulate people with her beauty

2 Not allowed to make fun of Bella

3 Not allowed to reign terror over the current home town

4 Not allowed to get a job without consent

5 Not allowed to help Bella destroy Alice's closet

6 Not allowed to say that Jasper is not her twin because he is to ugly

7 Not allowed to claim that she is an angel

8 Not allowed to claim she is a goddess

9 Not allowed to claim she is a vampire in public

10 Not allowed to cause minor issues with the werewolves

11 Not allowed to compare werewolf and vampire smells

12 Not allowed to make a gummy bear army

13 Not allowed to kill off the werewolves

14 Not allowed to steal Renesmee

15 Not allowed to claim Renesmee is her daughter

16 Not allowed to kill Jacob

17 Not allowed to call herself the center of the universe or the center of attention

18 Not allowed to go bikini skiing

19 Not allowed to help Emmett try and eat human food

20 Not allowed to make fun of Alice

21 Not allowed to go to Wal-Mart

22 Not allowed to adopt a baby without consent

23 Not allowed to annoy Edward with her thoughts

24 Not allowed to cause riots

25 Not allowed to support any riots

26 Not allowed to dress up like lady gaga

27 Not allowed to go to the hospital while Carlisle is working

28 Not allowed to travel anywhere without consent or guidance

29 Not allowed to break Emmett's video games

30 Not allowed to flaunt in public


	3. Alice's Rules

Hi, there. Third chapter, huh. if any thing, leave a review. that means a lot to me as a writer because i want to know if people like my work. **Hey you people without fanfiction! did you know that you can leave reviews too? betcha didnt know that..**. -twilightslittleangel

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allowed to take Bella shopping against her will

allowed to take Renesmee shopping against her will

allowed to take Rosalie shopping against her will

4 Not allowed to dress up like a princess

5 Not allowed to dress up like Brittney Spears

6 Not allowed to dress up like a movie star

7 Not allowed to claim she is a princess

8 Not allowed to act or dress like Brittney Spears

9 Not allowed to act or dress like a movie star

10 Not allowed to buy Bella new clothes every day

11 Not allowed to travel anywhere without consent and a guardian

12 Not allowed to kidnap a designer and not release them until she saw the upcoming line

13 Not allowed to become a designer

14 Not allowed to help Emmett prank Bella

15 Not allowed to help Emmett prank Edward

16 Not allowed to have any family events without consent

17 Not allowed to use an old vision to mentally scar Edward forever

18 Not allowed to mentally sing the gummy bear song as loud as she can to annoy Edward

19 Not allowed to manipulate the future

20 Not allowed to tell Bella what to wear

21 Not allowed to help Rosalie demolish Emmett's video games

22 Not allowed to spend all the money in the bank on clothing

23 Not allowed to make her own credit card account and transfer the family funds into it for shopping

24 Not allowed to control the future

25 Not allowed to hold a vampire party, with every vampire possible attending, without consent and a guardian

26 Not allowed to help anyone with a scheme to get back at Edward

27 Not allowed to compete in the Olympics

28 Not allowed to become a professional ballerina

29 Not allowed to count shopping as P.E. credits

30 Is to donate all unused clothing, or gently used clothing, to the women's shelter


	4. Jasper's Rules

hello once again random strangers! i like reviews and they help me know that people are reading my stories and liking them, so leave me reviews please. and you random people who dont have accounts can leave reviews too! that should make you very happy. for a gold sticker, if you have any ideas or suggestions for the story, just review if youre a non-member or drop me a PM. i want to please you people that i dont know.  
BIG HUGS and little hugs- twilightslittleangel

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1 Not allowed to reign terror over Yankees

2 Not allowed to destroy all fashion designers

3 Not allowed to kill the history teacher that says Major Jasper Whitlock was a wimp

4 Not allowed to cause issues with the werewolves

5 Not allowed to make fun of Bella for being (or used to being) really clumsy

6 Not allowed to let Alice dress him up as she likes

7 Not allowed to break Edwards piano

8 Not allowed to manipulate emotions

9 Not allowed to manipulate certain people by using their emotions

10 Not allowed to run through the hospital asking for daddy

11 Not allowed to ask if he can get a job at the hospital as Gregory House

12 Not allowed to become a therapist

13 Not allowed to become a teacher at the local school

14 Not allowed to help Emmett prank Edward

15 Not allowed to help Emmett prank Bella

16 Not allowed to help Emmett prank Alice

17 Not allowed to destroy his closet

18 Not allowed to make sure Bella's life is miserable

19 Not allowed to scare little kids

20 Not allowed to call himself emo and make everyone as depressed as he is

21 Not allowed to call himself god and control everyone so that they worship him

22 Not allowed to accept and owl to Hogwarts

23 Not allowed to play football in the house with Emmett

24 Not allowed to break Esme's windows and blame it on Emmett

25 Not allowed to make a confederate fruit army

26 Not allowed to call Aro old

27 Not allowed to make fun of Jane for not being able to shock him because of Bella's shield

28 Not allowed to help Alice reign torture on Bella

29 Not allowed to help Edward reign torture on Alice

30 Not allowed to say that his family doesn't love him, that he is all alone


	5. Bella's Rules

Hello once again random people. Please remember that i like review and the more you leave me the more i will post. also, you random people without fanfiction can review it too! how fun, right? i am sad to say it but i have almost gotten through all the Cullen family, but if it makes you feel better, i am going to start the volturi book once i am done this one. YAY! and i said i was on vacation...

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1 Not allowed to tease Edward by frolicking with Jacob

2 Not allowed to hurt Alice for taking her shopping

3 Not allowed to hurt jasper for making her all warm and fuzzy about spilling her guts

4 Not allowed to hurt Jacob for calling Renesmee nessie

5 Not allowed to make fun of Emmett for anything

6 Not allowed to be normal in a house full of loony people

7 Not allowed to check the loony bin for family wings

8 Not allowed to burn down her closet

9 Not allowed to burn down Alice's closet

10 Not allowed to make fun of Jacob

11 Not allowed to help Edward get back at Alice

12 Not allowed to use her shield to protect everyone from Edwards mind reading powers

13 Not allowed to kill Alice's credit cards

14 Not allowed to burn Alice's check book

15 Not allowed to hotwire Alice's Porsche

16 Not allowed to pay Rosalie to dismantle Alice's car

17 Not allowed to make sure that Renesmee doesn't marry Jacob

18 Not allowed to ban Jacob from the house

19 Not allowed to tell everyone that she went to hunt and turned into a kiwi

20 Not allowed to hurt Emmett for making fun of her

21 Not allowed to say that her laptop is better than Alice's custom made pink one with a big webcam

22 Not allowed to help esme renovate

23 Not allowed to go shopping without Alice

24 Not allowed to go shopping in a bookstore

25 Not allowed to go shopping online

26 Not allowed to go online shopping in a bookstore

27 Not allowed to dress up for Halloween every day

28 Not allowed to play her lady gaga CD really loud to annoy everyone including Edward

29 Not allowed to yell 'KARMA' every time emmett talks to her

30 Not allowed to joke about leaving Edward as the karmic aspect to him leaving her


	6. Edward's Rules

hello once again. the next chapter (Renesmee's) will be the last one and i will start a new story. i want to make that clear so you innocent people dont start panicking. i dont want hate mail. also, i would like to give a really big thank you to the two people who left review (the third one is me, i wanted to see if i could review my own story). one is a random person who doesn't have a fanfiction and the other one is Katalyst00. Give them big rounds of applause, and if you are the one who reviewed then give yourself a pat on the back. twilightslittleangel

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1 Not allowed to use peoples thoughts against them

2 Not allowed to buy bella more than one car

3 Not allowed to help Alice torture bella with clothing

4 Not allowed to help bella torture Alice

5 Not allowed to help Emmett with his crazy schemes

6 Not allowed to ever, ever leave bella again

7 Not allowed to ask aro what he does for a living

8 Is to prohibit Alice from taking Renesmee shopping

9 Not allowed to use jasper to get bella to agree to something

10 Not allowed to ask for a job at the hospital

11 Not allowed to ask for a straight jacket for bella

12 Not allowed to beat the living daylights out of Jacob

13 Not allowed to make fun of werewolf smell

14 Not allowed to compare werewolf and vampire smell

15 Not allowed to make Rosalie mad

16 Not allowed to hotwire Jacobs car

17 Not allowed to hot wire any car

18 Not allowed to travel anywhere without asking permission

19 Not allowed to stalk people through their thoughts

20 Not allowed to make fun of random people with his family by their thoughts

21 Not allowed to help Alice convince bella to let her do the shopping

22 Not allowed to help emmett torture the werewolves

23 Not allowed to help jasper calm down Alice because it just wont work

24 Not allowed to help Renesmee with her school work because she is a very smart kid and doesn't need to be told the answers

25 Not allowed to confiscate all of Alice's credit cards

26 Not allowed to confiscate Alice's car to prevent her from going to New York etc.

27 Not allowed to make fun the crazy people who fight over him

28 Not allowed to hit Jacob in the head with a shovel

29 Not allowed to star in the puppet pals as harry Potter

30 Not allowed to post the family documents (photos, videos etc.) on any social networking websites like Facebook and Youtube


	7. Renesmee's Rules

Sorry to say it, but this is the last chapter of this story. i really enjoyed all the reviews (2) and all the hits i got. please remember that if you submit reviews i work faster because i want to please everyone. also, random lonely people without fanfictions can leave reviews. please remember that. if i slack, tell me (pm or review) and i will slap myself back into working order. if you dont then i wont be able to help make you smile with my stories. i think i might be doing the volturi one next, so i hope i do a good job. read it, review it, laugh about it, read it again i dont care as long as i get reviews. now before you shoot me with your shoe cannon, i will sign off. hugs from twilightslittleangel

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1 Not allowed to make her dad mad by inviting Jacob to family functions

2 Not allowed to invite Jacob over when Edward is home

3 Not allowed to invite Jacob over when Rosalie is home

4 Not allowed to have Jacob alone

5 Not allowed to convince Alice to take her shopping

6 Not allowed to help emmett with anything

7 Not allowed to hurt emmett after he makes fun of her

8 Not allowed to hurt emmett after he makes fun of Jake

9 Not allowed to hurt Rosalie when she makes fun of Jacob

10 Not allowed to destroy her closet

11 Not allowed to go shopping with Alice

12 Not allowed to ask for a pet dog

13 Not allowed to run around singing lady gaga, katy perry or ke$ha

14 Not allowed to switch out her dads CDS with disney artists

15 Not allowed to become friends with jane from the volturi

16 Not allowed to break her dads piano

17 Not allowed to breed mutant ninja turtles

18 Not allowed to paint the house pink and purple

19 Not allowed to help Alice with her schemes

20 Not allowed to tell esme what to do when she renovates unless told to

21 Not allowed to go to public school and flaunt

22 Not allowed to sign up for Facebook or any other social networking system without consent

23 Not allowed to run off and live with the wolves

24 Not allowed to inflict pain among her parents for not letting her see jake

25 Not allowed to use her child like powers to influence Rosalie to get what she wants

26 Not allowed to manipulate anyone

27 Not allowed to tell her mom what she wants, without telling dad

28 Not allowed to use her super power on any human people

29 Not allowed to reign terror over anything

30 Not allowed to grow up and be just like one of her aunts or uncles, mainly because they all are crazy


	8. Jane's Rules

since i haven't thought of much for the rule book, its gonna be more of them. if i do one then ill put it up. but it has had a lack of everything. so i might be discontinuing it. not yet though so dont say i didnt warn you.

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Not allowed to use her power unless needed to

Not allowed to call felix names

Not allowed to call alec names

Not allowed to claim that Caius is old and gay

Not allowed to make sure that everyone's life is miserable

Not allowed to break everyone's mirrors and say that they are ugly

Not allowed to accidentally' turn her meal into a vampire (cause she drinks people)

Not allowed to dye her hair bright neon colors and then go on official business for Aro

Not allowed to yell at Marcus because he hadn't gotten over didyme

Not allowed to go on Facebook and add people she doesn't know, like no one (see the story 'twilight Facebook')

Not allowed to go to the Cullen's residence and make fun of them

Not allowed to go shopping with out consent

Not allowed to tease the wives

Not allowed to tease Aro that this isn't the fairy tale rapunzel and that the wives should be let out of the tower

Not allowed to make fun of Alec when she gives him a new hair cut

Not allowed to be vain like Rosalie

Not allowed to dress up like beyonce

Not allowed to dress up Christina Aguilera

Not allowed to go on official business for Aro dressed up like lady gaga

Not allowed to tie dye her cloak

Not allowed to break everyone's mirrors

Not allowed to claim that she is the queen of everything

Not allowed to convince the wives to revolt against Aro

Not allowed to cause riots in the streets of Rome

Not allowed to be in riots

Not allowed to make protest signs and put them up all over the castle

Not allowed to break into Aro's jewelry storage and sell it all on eBay

Not allowed to carry a water bottle full of blood

Not allowed to convince Chelsea that all of her evil plans are good

Not allowed to make a list like Santa, check it twice, and all those on the naughty list from the Volturi get sent to the dungeon until they are good again


End file.
